We have entered the second age of psychedelics.
The pioneering age that saw the creation of substances such as LSD and MDMA, and widely embraced the recreational use of hallucinogens, took place from the mid-1960s to the mid-1970s. A decade of promoting great music, freedom, peace, and love. (Though I’m more of an 80s music lover myself)
The age of hallucinogens came to a grinding halt when US President Richard Nixon and the US government launched the ‘war on drugs’ campaign in 1971, naming drugs “public enemy number one”.
The recent release of Michael Pollan’s docuseries “How to Change Your Mind” on Netflix, has the world abuzz with a new curiosity into the potential healing effects of hallucinogens. In the docuseries, Pollan takes the viewer through a brief history of the origins and uses of different hallucinogens such as LSD, psilocybin, MDMA, and mescaline.
Five years ago I experienced a profound psychological breakdown and found myself a patient in a psychiatric facility. As is my nature I would read and research various techniques and technologies that support the treatment of various mental health conditions.
I came across an article in a magazine on the newly launched research on the use of psilocybin to treat mental illnesses, particularly depression and disorders such as PTSD.
As I suffer from Complex-PTSD, I became interested in exploring the possibility of using psilocybin to see how it might help my condition. I mentioned to my psychiatrist at the time that I would like to explore this avenue, but he admitted to not having much knowledge on the subject and not being sure whether it would be a good idea.
I also wanted to be able to speak from experience when asked by my clients about psychedelic therapy.
After being discharged I gave it little thought, until a year later when I came across another article on the topic and decided to give it a go. I read up on different clinical studies and how mental health professionals went about setting up such treatment. I wanted to make sure I went about it the right way.
I was able to source medical-grade psilocybin and went about setting up a serene and comfortable environment in which to conduct the experiment, with soft light in the way of scented candles and meditative music playing in the background. Things that would generally put me in a calm state of mind. I asked a good friend of mine to be with me during the experiment to make sure someone could lead me back if things went awry.
A sub-perceptual, or microdose, is technically an amount that would not cause you to enter a state of hallucination. I took a quarter of what would be considered a general dosage.
What followed was a harrowing experience, which I do not wish to repeat anytime soon.
In a nutshell, I cried uncontrollably for what felt like eight hours straight. In reality, it lasted for about three to four hours. Where others may experience images of connectedness and feelings of euphoria, I experienced feelings of despair and hopelessness, and images of chaos and collapse. By the end of it, the experience caused me to feel extremely suicidal.
Following the experience, I have tried to analyze the event to try and make sense of it, as well as perhaps find meaning in it.
It can be speculated that there might have been a release of decades of repressed emotions, which could have led to my cathartic experience. The feelings and images of despair and chaos might have been a representation of my inner world as a result of an inordinate amount of traumatic experiences over the years. And the suicidality might have been a result of the absolutely overwhelming emotions.
Even though I had an experience that I associate with being negative, over the last few years as I have further analyzed the experience, I do believe there to be a possibility of further exploration in a clinical setting to be potentially advantageous. And in fact some of my clients have undergone such treatment with very positive results. As a scientist, I believe in exhausting every avenue in order to come to a concrete conclusion.
As with psychiatric medication (or any medication for that matter) not everyone experiences the same drugs the same way, and a small number of clinical trials have shown that one or two small doses can result in dramatic and long-lasting relief from symptoms of major depressive disorder in drug-resistant patients.
Psilocybin seems to empower mental flexibility, that when paired with therapy and the right life skills, helps individuals to move beyond their previous symptoms.
As more clinical trials are conducted and we learn more about the exact mechanisms of different types of hallucinogens, I am cautiously optimistic in this route of therapy possibly offering an alternative, more natural way of overcoming an array of mental health difficulties. Despite my own experience.
The one thing I do want to drive home is that I do believe it extremely important for this type of therapy to be conducted in a carefully planned, clinical setting as with any other type of therapy.
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